I see you.
I’ve been very much the same, for a while now. where picking up the paintbrush seems more of an effort than it should be, and the colours don’t seem to flow out of you as easily as they used to. where, the words aren’t coming out of your red, muscle thing that beats in your chest, or the place where thoughts, emotions, and logic are filtered through. both places seem to not want to produce words as often as they used to when life was a bit more hectic, and a lot less still.
the thing is, the stillness engulfs you in a way that can’t really be described and there’s a subtle, but also very present expectation for more to be done during this time. as if, colours and imagery should suddenly be seen more clearly than they were when we were swept up in everything else, besides ourselves and others. it was easier to sit and be intentional with spilling words onto paper, to take snapshots of the small, quiet moments when they weren’t massive endless pits of silence and stillness.
but now, life seems very hushed. yes, there is a lot going in the world right now, but time seems more blurred, more of a concept, as the days mold into one; and to be honest, there’s not much we know to do with silence. we aren’t presented with her often, and when we are, we tend to avoid her. do we ask her what she wants? what she expects of us? why it seems so easy to appreciate the little things that carry us through in this very strange time, but when it comes to perceiving them, and placing them, capturing them into one place, it’s a little harder; it’s a little more difficult to actually encapsulate the essence of life, of our thoughts and dump them, without care or worry about what it means to others, into one space.
it’s hard, I know. and, I see you where you’re at. the truth is, creative blocks happen. they are overwhelming and they somehow make it more difficult to express or place how you’re feeling. or, it’s just that you simply don’t feel the want to do anything to get to that place of it all coming out. and that’s okay, you don’t need to beat yourself up for a lack of productivity or expression. you don’t need to pressure yourself into being like others. you don’t need to compare yourself and what you do, what you create, to what others are doing and creating. their experience isn’t yours, and that’s what makes what you do more meaningful and different.
you are allowed to sit and make something bad. to merely create for the sake of creating – not for others, not to sell, not to show on your instagram story or your twitter feed,
it’s just for you, and only you.
and, you are allowed to be still in this place and do absolutely nothing. you are allowed to be frustrated, and make bad art, and let yourself be angry, or sad at what is happening in the world without having to push that into something creative. you’re allowed to be human and not do anything. it takes a lot to create. in the same way that, it takes a lot to accept where you’re at and choose what you want to do in that space.
friend, be kinder to yourself. some things take a lot longer to process, and sometimes processing doesn’t happen through creating. you are seen where you’re at and, you are not alone.